At school we are taught to read and write, to think before we speak, and to always read the question before we answer. What isn’t included in the curriculum however, or at least not when I was at school, is how to mentally prepare, and develop an instant skill set for every role we may find ourselves in as we embark on our journey into adulthood and into the ‘real world’. 

I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about this concept over the last 10 years and have discovered that for every hat I’ve worn since leaving university, I’ve had to develop a unique set of skills to navigate the vast unknown. 

As a young girl, I was sure I would follow in my mother’s footsteps; be married at 19, have my first child by 23 and a second planned for a couple of years later. Two girls preferably. My husband and I would buy a house with a nice garden, have a car big enough to fit the four of us in comfortably, and we’d go on family holidays to the south of France, annually. All of these thoughts were very much in line with how tradition and society once suggested that a little girl’s story should play out, and I too believed it was my hearts desire. 

I realise now (age, experience, a divorce and hindsight are wonderful things) that I was young and that it was quite naive of me to believe that upon finding Mr Right, and in walking down the aisle, that suddenly the title of Mrs Right would bring with it a new persona, a certain ‘marriedness’ and that I would wake up the next morning feeling completely different to the single, 24 hours younger, version of myself. 

I was genuinely shocked when I woke up that next day, albeit with a wedding ring and marriage certificate (oh and a husband lying next to me) that I still felt like Georgina Mitchell. Where was the magical transformation? Why did I not feel instantly like the ‘wife’ that I now was?! 

It happened again when my son was born. I remember thinking to myself when he was about 6 months old and when my brain hadn’t been starved completely of sleep and I could muster a semi intelligent thought, ‘why don’t I feel like a mum? Why have I not been granted the same skill set that my mum has, or of all those other amazing mums out there who (seem to) know exactly what they are doing?’ 

Experience and age have helped me work out that most of us just fumble through this stuff, making it up as we go, hoping that we do an ok job. None of us instantly (or maybe ever) know how to be the perfect husband or wife and there isn’t an app we can download to help us do it. How can we possibly have all the answers to the many questions that run through our minds 24/7, when we suddenly find ourselves in the role of parent, when we’ve actually never done anything like it before? And while others freely hand out advice and citicisim, they are only going off their own experiences, which will never be the same as ours. The reality is, that we have to work it out for ourselves. 

There are no wands or magical transformations and the fairytale dream remains as it always has, just a little bit further out of reach. So instead, we default to the person we’ve always been, with the same thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears, just a little older and hopefully a fraction wiser. 

I’ve tried to pass on these revelations to a few young, impressionable girls in my life over the years, who have been eager to tick all of the adult boxes at a young age; thinking that the fairytale holds all of the answers for them. I try to pass on what I have learnt and warn them that nothing really changes when we ‘achieve’ marital status, or have a small human to care for. And that while we may think (at 18, 21, 39) we know everything, the reality is, we know very little. I try to impart that they will still feel very much like they did at 16 or 18 and that these ‘achievements’ are all stepping stones to living a life full of experience, wonder and lessons, but they are definitely not our end game. I let them know that there will be more wrinkles and more worries, and while there will be many amazing times, that the fairytale isn’t all sunshine and roses and that regardless of how ‘perfect’ someone’s life may seem, there will always be hard and trying times. 

They appear to take it all in, the ramblings of this 40 year old as they look at me and nod in agreement. But I know that for the most part, they have dismissed what I have just said because it doesn’t match the ideal they have in their head, so therefore it can’t possibly be true. I have just become another ‘old’ person trying to tell them what to do. I don’t think I am and I genuinely have their best interests at heart, but at that moment, I also realise that they are entitled to the romance of it all just as I once was, and that they will navigate/stumble through their own journey, developing the skills that they need to do the best they can. My only hope is that they work out that they have the chance to rewrite the ending to their own story, so that when the sun goes down on the fairytale ‘happy ever after’ they still have hopes and dreams for an amazing adventure. Life is after all, what we choose to make it. 

The End.  

There are some people in the world for whom overnight success just happens; the girl next door who is suddenly the next top model; the entrepreneur making his first million before the age of 30 from a genius idea he had at the age of 9; the singing sensation whose wife recorded him in the shower late one Sunday night and who is now sitting top of the Spotify chart. 

We hear an increasing number of stories like this, largely related to the the ease of spreading news, stories, ideas, videos and information through a variety of social media, but I think it’s safe to say that in general, success of this magnitude is still pretty rare and if it does happen, I’m pretty sure Lady Luck is lurking somewhere in the wings. 

I don’t begrudge these people their success. Not for a moment. I think it’s fantastic and I wish them ongoing success in whatever adventure life takes them on. I’m actually a little envious, as my mind races daily in an attempt to come up with an idea or a plan or…anything actually that might even come close to achieving this level of ‘fame’, for want of a better word.  

I think I have always (secretly or not so) dreamed of a life of fame and fortune. Only last night, I was sat at the theatre watching ‘Wicked’, in awe and amazement of the leading lady singing her heart out, and I leant over to my friend and said ‘I wish I could sing, ‘cos I could have so lived a stage and screen kind of lifestyle’ and I could picture it as clear as day in my minds eye. 

In some ways I honestly believe that I missed my calling for acting/singing/dancing/prancing maybe, somewhere along the line. At school I always landed the lead role in plays and I have always loved being in front of an audience. But I think being cast as a vulture in my schools rendition of the my all time favourite, the Wizard of Oz, knocked my confidence somewhat, and so my journey down the yellow brick road and the dreams that went along with it got a little off track...as have I. 

So back to the point I am trying to make. For most of us, success on a grande scale is either something we (can only) dream of achieving, or its something that we don’t really care to achieve at all.  Either way, most of us finish school and go out to work to earn a living in the hope that we can live a fulfilled and happy life, where we can hopefully not have to worry too much about money and where we can support our loved ones.  I would like to add that while I do still have dreams of grandeur (and I will achieve them), that I also believe wholeheartedly that success doesn’t need to have a dollar sign attached to it or for a name to be written in lights; success can and does come in many guises. 

It can be raising a wonderful family; doing a job that you pat yourself on the back for and are proud of; it can be creating something from nothing; it can be merely ‘showing up’. It can be making a difference in another persons life, even if you don’t know it. 

I know all of this because I have a beautiful six year old boy whose smile reminds me of my biggest success everyday. 

What success means to each of us though, is as unique as our fingerprints and the ‘why’ behind what we choose to do for a job, whether we are conscious of it or not, is our internal driver for success.  And actually if you can discover the ‘why’, you are on the right track to achieving your dreams. One thing that I’m pretty convinced about however (with the experience, the highs and the lows to back it up) is that to achieve our dreams, our goals, the top job, the good pay packet – we must work for it, and actually be prepared to work damn hard.

I’ve made my fair share of cups of tea over the years being the newbie; I’ve cleaned the toilets in the pub because that was what my job involved. I’ve done the crappy jobs that I believed I was better than, I’ve worked late, volunteered, gone hungry as I’ve worked through another lunch break, and been scolded by at least one boss over the years. But what I know to be true is that without these experiences and the opportunities to learn, to fall down, to thrive and also to sit back while others got their fifteen minutes of fame, I wouldn’t be where I am today. 

So to the school leavers and the twenty somethings, and to my son in the future  – don’t take this the wrong way, but take it as something to really consider – take a moment to look around you and appreciate how hard other people have worked to get where they are; respect their experience and knowledge, even if you don’t agree or you think it can be done differently, and until you have walked in another persons shoes, don’t judge. It’s great to know what you want and I admire it, but it’s even better to be humble enough to try and understand what it’s actually going to take to achieve it and not just expect it to land in your lap. Then go and work to make it happen. Success doesn’t just happen; it must be worked for and the journey can often feel like you are chasing the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. And even when we do actually achieve what we set out to, although satisfying in many ways, it can also be a very long and lonely road which few others will truly understand. 

So my advice to those searching for success, fame, fortune, lights…whatever. Know that you have to work for what you want. Be grateful for the opportunities given to you, big or small, wanted or not. Be positive, always. Be kind, always. Smile often and be careful what you wish for, cos it may just come true. 

Georgie x 

Right from a very young age we’re asked ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ I can’t speak for anyone else, but at 40 years old, I still don’t know the answer to this question. 

If I’d have followed my 8 year old self and her dreams, I’d be sitting in a kiosk at a National Park somewhere along the British coastline taking money off people wanting to park their cars so that they could spend the day at the beach, either that or I’d be swinging through the air on a trapeze. Maybe the latter isn’t too far from reality, but at no point did I say ‘mummy, I want to work on improving risk management in British Government’.

I actually had no idea what I wanted to do for a job all through school. I considered being a teacher, but a four year old, well versed in an array of profanities, put that idea firmly to bed. I also thought about working in a health resort/gym but after realising that folding starched towels has a similar effect on me as nails down a blackboard, I was back to square one. 

I finished school and went to university choosing a degree based on my love of numbers, logical reasoning and quadratic equations. It could have been suggested that my A level results reflected that a love of something doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re any good at it, but I was a girl on a mission. I opted for a course a little less challenging than straight maths (which my brain might have exploded doing) and chose something that would help me to potentially get a foot in the door of a number of professions. I believe that these choices, albeit stumbled upon, helped set me up for a wonderful and varied career. 

Not so long ago, I asked my son the very same question that was asked of me at a young age and his response was delightful. 

‘I want to be a vet…and a builder and a policeman and a gymnastics worker and a camel rider‘. 

I must admit that the camel rider took me a little by surprise but his tone told me that right in that moment he could genuinely see himself doing any or all of those jobs.  He didn’t go away and think about it, or ask himself ‘what job will pay me lots of money?’ or ‘I wonder if they do salary sacrificing?’ He answered, purely and simply, from the heart and chose jobs that he thought would give him joy or which he could relate to because of his own childhood experiences. Little does he know but his five year old brain was pretty smart to not limit his options to only one possible vocation. I have no doubt he will have a fulfilled career, whatever he chooses. 
The conversation with my son, combined with a young and impressionable team member seeking guidance in the direction her life ‘should’ take, got me thinking. Why, as (young) adults do we often feel the need to have all of the answers, all of the time?

Surely the best thing we can do is reflect on what we have learnt along the way and try very hard to not make the same mistake twice; knowing that we still will at least once or twice. We can use the experiences we have had to help us make better informed decisions for our future; helping us to eliminate the non-starters and the ‘really bad choices’ from our list of possibilities. 

The other advantage that we have over the five year olds is that we have an awareness of the ‘now’.  The now, actually maybe all we have and that’s why it is important to enjoy every moment, find the good in things, let go of the anger and smile; always smile. While we may have hopes and dreams for what tomorrow may bring, right now is what’s really important. 
So late on a Sunday night last week I tried to offer the best unqualified advice I could to an 18 year old who felt a little lost. 

• It’s ok to not have all of the answers. You’re 18, live in the moment and have lots of fun finding some.
• Don’t try to grow up too quickly. The house, the car, the wedding, the husband and the babies will happen in time and I can guarantee they will be nothing like you imagine. 
• If it doesn’t make you happy, let it go; but don’t walk away from something just because you’re bored or it’s inconvenient right at this moment or because it’s hard work; let it go because it’s not right or it’s not what you truly want.  
• Regrets will only hold you back. Make a decision and run with it. 
• Find something you’re passionate about and find a way to make money doing it for a living. 
• Have a back up plan (but not for your love life – that has to be all in)
• Time by yourself is a good thing. Never feel that your worth is dependent on another human. 
• If someone can make you cry or hurts you with their words or actions towards you, they do not deserve you. Simply walk away. 
• Be yourself. Trying to be anyone else is completely exhausting. 
• Don’t buy into the drama. Be dramatic, be passionate but don’t be the drama. 
• Dream. Dream big and then go after them.

Maybe we all have something to learn from the little people. They know how to dream without the what ifs, without barriers and without fear. My little person has taught me more about life in 6 years than any university degree ever did or could (but I’m still thankful that I went and that I have the piece of paper that showed I worked my butt off for something I wanted) 

One of my Mother’s Day gifts was a mug with the words ‘she believed she could so she did’. I think he hit the nail on the head with that one. I plan on doing so much more yet, just don’t ask me what, I’m still working on that bit. 😉

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