Yesterday was a tough day. The reality of leaving 16 years of wonderful times behind started to sink in and I suddenly became overwhelmed by everything that is going on in my world. I don’t ever do things by halves but even by my own standards what I am currently trying to achieve is of epic proportions. 

In three weeks time my son and I will leave this beautiful country for a new adventure on the other side of the world. I am packing up my beautiful little house and saying goodbye to the life I have created for Patrick and I. And as if packing up 16 years into boxes wasn’t enough of a task, add in moving hemispheres and relocating a gymnastics club into the mix as well! Even I think I’m crazy! 

But busy is good. Busy stops the brain having time to think about the enormity of what I’m doing. Busy means that I have something to focus on other than all that I am going to miss so dearly. Being so busy that I crash as soon as my head hits the pillow doesn’t give me the opportunity to stop and actually consider the many ‘what ifs’ about the next chapter of our lives. Busy is good! Busy is what keeps me sane most of the time!

But busy can only keep those thoughts at bay for so long. They are always there bubbling under the surface, ready to escape as tear drops down my cheeks at any time, when it all becomes a bit much. And yesterday was one of those times. 

I looked around the new gym and (maybe for the first time) became acutely aware of the fact that I’m not actually going to be able to enjoy the wonderful space that my team and I have created. My thoughts shifted to my Australian friends and family and how much I am going to miss them. I thought about my little house and how it has ‘saved’ me so many times in the last 4 years. And then I think about what lies ahead for Patrick and I, and unlike the many memories I can recall from the life we have been living, I have no safe to place to use as a reference in relation to our future. Of course there is my family and the friends who I can’t wait to spend time with, but otherwise it’s all very unknown. And while most of the time that is an exciting thought, in the solace of my mind it’s also a very scary one. 

Unable to make sense of my spiralling thoughts, I confided in a dear friend. Rather than get me to focus on what was troubling me, instead they asked me one very powerful question ‘George, what are you grateful for?’ 

This threw me a little but my response was almost instantaneous, ‘Patrick’. Happy tears then flowed down my face as I recalled the pure joy he has brought me in the last 7 years. It’s true, I have thrown myself into being the best mum I can and in making the most of the time I have with my little mate.  But as our conversations continued, I realised that to put all of my happiness (past and future) onto the shoulders of my son, was too big an ask of anyone. It is also potentially flawed given that one day he will go off on his own exciting adventure, without me. So I was asked to think about some other things for which I am grateful. We left the conversations there with some food for thought for when I was ready. It takes a special human to even begin to understand the complexities of my brain and for those who do, or who are happy to try to, I am eternally grateful to you.  

I have woken up today and the sun is shining, the birds are tweeting and I had a restful sleep. These things alone are a pretty good start as something to smile about. I realise then that I have so many things that I could put down on paper that I am grateful for, and while there are some I would happily share, there are others which will forever be for my mind only.  

There are a few things that I’d like to share though, which make the enormity of all that I am doing right now and the uncertainty of the future pale into insignificance a little. I really have achieved some truly amazing things with some pretty equally amazing people in my 40 years in this planet. I have many wonderful friends all over the world who mean so much to me. I know that I am loved. I know that my beauty comes from within and runs much deeper than my mascara and size 8 jeans.

I have my health, for which I am so very grateful. I have my mind, albeit crazy at times, but even that I can be thankful for because without the crazy, I wouldn’t have attempted and gone after all that I have, and I woundn’t swap the highs of the emotional roller coaster that I live on for anything. 

I don’t doubt that there will be many more moments of despair over the next three weeks but rather than focus on the fear and the ‘what ifs’, I’m going to channel my endless energy into making our last three weeks in Oz completely unforgettable and by being grateful for all that is wonderful and good in my world. 💕

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I’m sat on a deck chair on the front porch of my pretty little Australian house with a note pad and pen. I find myself here quite often when the sun comes out and I have nowhere specific to be. The combination of the warm sun beating down on me, my thoughts buzzing around in my head and the occasional ‘Muuuum, can you help me with my LEGO? coming from inside the house, leaves me feeling pretty content and usually, unnaturally relaxed. 

The cars and people go up and down the steeet, oblivious to my existence and I find myself thankful for the white picket fence (which surrounds my front garden) for its role in my contented state. But today something is different. Unlike most other times where my handwriting becomes illegible to everyone including me, as I desperately try to get my thoughts down on paper before they inevitably disappear, I find that today the paper remains as blank as my mind. 

I decide to write a list. Lists are always good as they make you feel like you’ve accomplished something when actually the only thing you’ve really done is write a list of all the things you have to do. My first list comprises of all the people that I need to inform of my imminent change of address. That in itself leads to another item on the list ‘mail redirection’! I write a second list. This time all of the tasks that need to still be completed for the Gym relocation, none of which can even begin to be accomplished until I get the ever elusive construction permit for the toilet build. 

I understand completely what my brain is trying to do. It’s desperately looking for something to control when everything else in my world seems out of control. In five weeks time my lovely little miners cottage will become the primary residence of another young English girl who fell in love with it upon first sight, just as I did, and Patrick and I will be officially ‘homeless’. The original plan had us moved and settled in the UK in time for the start of the British school year. I’ve now lost track of how many ‘leaving’ dates we’ve had and our ‘imminent’ move still remains about six weeks away. Aargh!  All the while everything I have set up in Australia in preparation for the big move means that aside from cleaning the fish tank (a job I completely detest) and packing up the few remaining items of our Australian life, I’m left twiddling my thumbs. 

So I decide to have a think about what my future UK career looks like. I brainstorm a few ideas, look at the possibilities and consider what opportunities might be available to me in the place I will once again call home, some 16 years after I left. I rule out returning to analytical work, actually I’m not sure an office job of any description is going to fulfil my employment aspirations these days. I love to teach gymnastics and undoubtedly that will feature in some capacity, but one of the reasons for walking away from the gymnastics life in Australia was being able to spend more time with my son, so I continue to think. I wonder if the Sarah Katie book series will take off enough for a full time commitment, maybe, but it certainly won’t happen overnight regardless. Again I am back to the drawing board. 

So many thoughts fill my head.. Could I be a business coach, a bit of a closet goal of mine. Can I make a career from writing? I wish – maybe I should investigate that option further. Should I open up another gym? Hmmm unlikely.  Could I go into business with a friend? Maybe. And then to top it all off I decide that flipping houses looks like fun and something I would like to try, and who knows, I might actually be good at. 

The afternoon has almost passed trying to process all of the thoughts in my head and being unable to make sense out of any of them, I close my notebook. I put down my pen, close my eyes and decide to enjoy the suns rays. My contentment soon returns as I lie there knowing that whatever I do, I’ll do it with passion or I won’t do it at all, and that either something will come along right when it’s meant to or I will set another goal if I need to. Just not today.  Today I will listen to the birds singing in the tress and find the ‘missing’ LEGO piece when hollered, and be happy to ‘just be’. 

💕

The bright eyed gymnast looks up at her coach and asks ‘what if I fall?‘
And as if her coach has just scooped her up into her arms, catching her and forever protecting her, she replies ‘oh, but mydarling, what if you fly?‘

What better way to influence our future generations than by giving them the confidence and belief in themselves that through trying, perseverance and by giving it their best shot, whatever ‘it’ is, they will not only grow wings and learn to fly,  but that they will always be successful.

But success doesn’t always look like we might expect it to; medals, trophies, wedding rings, houses, expensive cars, intelligent children etc. Success comes in all different guises and to have the opportunity to teach and influence children’s thoughts and help them understand that sometimes success is merely a matter of perspective, is something that we should never take lightly in our role as a coach.

There will always be winners and there will always be losers, and teaching children how to do both with their heads held high, with grace and with respect for their competitors is another wonderful lesson that we help teach. But any opportunity and experience that any of us can learn from should be considered a success, merely as a result of our growth, personally or professionally.

I often set quite unrealistic and seemingly unattainable goals for myself which can lead to frustration and feeling like I have failed when it doesn’t quite turn out as I had planned, but when I reflect back over the years, I realise that some of my greatest achievements have come at my weakest moments. I learnt how to save money by getting myself into and out of a financial pickle; I learnt how to really love someone by having my heart broken and by concluding that I too had a part to play in the relationship breakdown. I learnt what it takes to run a business in the very moment that I was ready to walk away from it all; I learnt how to be independent when I realised that no one was going to take the rubbish bins out for me anymore. And I am learning to be a better mum every single day that I am fortunate enough to be one.

Our gymnasts learn from falling down and getting back up time and time again. As coaches we give them the confidence and foundations to be able to eventually master whatever it is they are working towards. But along with a skill set and a strong body, we teach them resilience, persistence and the power of never giving up, so that when they grow up, they have a greater chance of succeeding in this crazy world, whatever they choose to do.

So next time you’re faced with an opportunity but you’re unsure whether you are ready for it, or you find yourself questioning whether you will succeed or not, remember this…

…you’ll never really know if you can fly, unless you go out there and try 💜.<<<
gt;

Source: A bit about me…